THE RUN FOR CHRISTINE
hellraisin'
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 3, 2003 - 7:15 AM - GOLDEN GATE PARK
4 miles. 33:31. 4 miles in total.
This is it. The first day of a long trip. I'm sharing it with a couple
of my truest friends - Golden Gate Park soothing my eyes on a beautiful
morning, and Howard Stern in my ears for every step. They talked about
how P.Diddy finished the New York Marathon in 4:15. P.Diddy, if you're
reading this, know these words: I'm gonna kick your ass by about 15 minutes.
Hear dat, beatch?
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 4, 2003 - 7:30AM - GOLDEN GATE PARK
4 miles. 34:25. 8 miles in total.
Just to make the park a little different every day, I've decided to run
my route in reverse. No, not backwards. Reverse. Suddenly my normal four
mile route seems, I dunno, longer and less familiar. Say what you want
about the homeless, but they were up early this morning, getting a head
start on a day full of nothing.
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 5, 2003 - 7:15 AM - INNER SUNSET
3 miles. 30:07. 11 miles in total.
Hills today. Ran up a large hill on 13th street which, as a prize up
top, gave me the whole city. What an amazingly gorgeous city - I know that's
the one millionth quatragillizillionth time I've said that, but it gets truer
with every syllable. I do need a better route with more hills, because
the sadomasochist inside me is hungry.
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 7, 2003 - 7:30 AM - GOLDEN GATE PARK
4 miles. 33:51. 15 miles in total.
I woke up yesterday with a tight hammy so I'm running today, on soaking
wet pavement from last night's rain. Gotta get used to it, I suppose.
l'll just make believe I'm in Portland. There's homeless around me: check.
The sky is cloudy: check. And that's about it. Okay, no more Portland.
That was depressing.
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 8, 2003 - 10:00 AM - MARINA GLEN
4 miles. 33:00. 19 miles in total.
This is my first team run for Team-In-Training. It's a beautiful day
framed with a scary speech about how we need to wear the right clothes.
Cotton is rotten, they say. I can hear my whole wardrobe shudder. I don't
want to get a rash on my thighs. I don't want my nips to bleed. I don't
want my sweat to keep me cold. What? What? Who? I might as well run naked.
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 2003 - 7:23 AM - GOLDEN GATE PARK/STOW LAKE
3.5 miles. 30:07. 22.5 miles in total.
I need new sneakers. I feel like I'm running with a pair of flat tires,
and even though I'm taking out the jack and pumping my car up to replace
the tire, I see that all four are flat, so I may replace one, but there's
three still flat, and even though I might finagle the car to the nearest
gas station and pump up the tires and seal then with some fix-a-flat, I
would still see through this facade and still chug along, like a wounded
skunk. Because I smell like a skunk this morning.
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 2003 - 7:30 AM - GOLDEN GATE PARK
4 miles. 33:53. 26.5 miles in total.
I still smell like a skunk. I blame it on the early sunrise dew meeting
my morning breath and having a barbed-wire cage match, where the only
loser is the atmosphere around me. The homeless are avoiding me. Dogs
are choosing to lick their asses than to run with me. On second thought,
I don't smell that bad. Just like a skunk who knows he has an odor problem
so we sprayed himself with a vat of cologne. Not that I did that this
morning. Or that it's a bad idea.
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 12, 2003. 7:25 AM - INNER SUNSET HILLS
3 miles. 34:00. 29.5 miles in total
So, with my brand new sneakers (New Balance Motion Control for ankle
stability), I decided to hit the big hill first, and then I ran to the
secondary hill, which is more gradual climb. My point: it was a better
hill run today. Anyway, I had stomach cramps today. Not from the struggle,
but from listening to "Howard Stern" and a guy who sounded like Ricardo
Montalban prank calling Star Trek's George Takei. How I love life.
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 14 - 7:31 AM - GOLDEN GATE PARK
4 miles. 33:20. 33.5 miles in total.
First off, and most importantly, happy birthday Christine. Go get 'em.
And now for the lunacy: I tried running yesterday, but my right leg had
other plans. Those plans included refusing to be stretched and emitting
a sharp pain down in my hamstring. But today, this day, I stared at my
right leg and told it that its stubborness was not to be, and that, if
I get my way, today will be a victorious run. And it was - a nice sprint.
No pain. Yes. My victory was a success as I can say, with no quiver, that
I kicked my right leg's ass.
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 15 - 2:16 PM - GOLDEN GATE PARK
2 miles. 15:43. 35.5 miles in total.
So I guess my right leg and my right asscheek were speaking and made
an unholy alliance, and they decided that they will toment me to no end.
So, at mile two of a ten-mile odyssey, my right asscheek told me it couldn't
continue. I had a right asscheek pull. Yes. A right asscheek pull. By
the way, where else can you read the words "right asscheek pull"? I lamely
walked back home, with a new enemy in my radar. Right asscheek, I will
exact my revenge.
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 16 - 1:04 PM - GOLDEN GATE PARK
7 miles. 59:30. 40.5 miles in total.
Take that, right asscheek. Of course, it took the Giants getting pummeled
by the Eagles to anger me enough to find revenge on my right asscheek.
It was a nice run; I took my camera and snapped some pictures of the park.
You'll see them coming up. Sundays are great for running. They close the
Park to vehicles so it's mostly filled with familes, rollerbladers, bikers,
runners, dogs and walkers. And, most importantly, defeated right asscheeks.
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 17 - 7:27 AM - GOLDEN GATE PARK
4 miles. 31:00. 44.5 miles in total.
I sprinted. Why? I don't know. Just wanted to. Wanted to do sub-8:00
miles. Tried keeping my heels off the ground with every step. Pushed
myself at every turn. Left the seniors citizens ambling by with their
walkers in awe of my speed. The homeless applauded (or they were swatting
flies away from their hands - could go either way, it's a close call).
Howard Stern wasn't all that funny today, so I kept serious. Therefore,
today was a good day.
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 18 - 7:31 AM - GOLDEN GATE PARK + BASEBALL FIELD
4.5 miles. 37:07. 49 miles in total.
So I added a half mile sprint around the two gorgeous baseball fields
into my morning training. The cool thing is that the extra lap includes,
for free, one bad-ass hill. I sprinted it. I made the hill cry mommy.
But as I ran, the early morning sunlight slid through the leaves of the
trees, beaming a lazer ray onto me, as if God had a spotlight on me and
the angels were watching with him and playing their harps. Or a Fender
guitar. Maybe they borrowed Hendrix's guitar. And maybe there was an angel
playing on John Bonham's drum set. That would be cool. God wouldn't sing.
Maybe it's a duet with Janis Joplin and Kurt Cobain, who didn't have the
best voice but definitely the one most suited for hill conquering. There
would be some Bee Gees as backup singers. Okay, just kidding about that
one. Either way, you shoulda been there.
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 23 - 2:30 PM - GOLDEN GATE PARK AND LAND'S END
10 miles. 94:50. 59 miles in total.
So, you're probably reading this, seeing Tuesday and then Sunday and
thinking - why the break? Well, that's what happens when you get sick.
The legs get heavier, the lungs get clogged and your better judgement takes
over. But today, on a beautiful Sunday, I threw better judgement out the
window and went on a 10-miler with my friend Caitlyn. My legs weren't with
me today, but what can you expect. I did, however, bring my camera with
me and took some great
pictures. It was that beautiful of a day. I just wish I had a stronger
run, but my legs weren't willing.
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 28 - 3:30 PM - GOLDEN GATE PARK
4 miles. 33:27. 63 miles in total.
So, now you're probably reading this, seeing Tuesday and then Sunday
and now Friday and you're thinking - what a lazy ass! I thought he was
healthy? Well, maybe I shouldn't have thrown that better judgement out the
window, because it stayed out there and didn't come back. So I got sick
again, but now I'm fine and all geared up to go. But my legs weren't all
that strong and i was sucking wind earlier than I usually do, but I'm fine
now. And I just ran off Thanksgiving. If anyone is wondering, my Thanksgiving
concept was not eating a turkey, but eating turkey product - turkey chili,
turkey bacon, etc. Okay, it wasn't as much of a concept as it was a lame
ass attempt at not cooking a turkey. But don't crucify me; I'm training.
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 29 - 1:10 PM - GOLDEN GATE PARK
7 miles. 67:40. 66 miles in total.
I have The Run To The Far Side 10K tomorrow, so I figured I might as
well put some miles underneath me before I run it. But my legs still aren't
under me, so those miles just ate me up. My lungs were heavy and I wore
too much clothing - I don't want to get sick again. At least I had a Cranberry
Craze ppower-sized Jamba Juice waiting for me at the finish line, which
just seemed farther away than usual. It wasn't hell today because it did
drizzle on me, and I don't think it drizzles in hell. At least John Milton
didn't mention that. Then again, John Milton wasn't a weatherman.
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 30 - 8:30 AM - RUN TO THE FAR SIDE XIX
10K. 6.2 miles. 60:00. 72 miles in total.
This was miserable on so many counts. To begin with, the forty-five
minutes worth of stretching produced one very tight hamstring behind my right
knee that kept on pulling with each step. Great. Then some jerk has the audacity
to announce before the race, under overcast skies, that there had never been
rain during a Run To The Far Side. It only took a half mile for the gods
to mock that jackass. It poured. It's a good thing I wasn't getting over
a two-week cold or anything. Anyway, they had nobod telling you your times
or mile markers, and there was one (1) water station. Because my steps were
slow, careful and painful, it felt like I was running forever, much longer
than a 10K. So yeah, I ain't happy with my 10-minute miles - even with the
rain and tight hammy. In fact, I wasn't happy with any of it. I'll stop bitching
now.